English Teacher Musings: High Stakes Testing, Fear, Ponyboy, and The Path

As a Masters-educated English teacher, I am supposed to espouse the beauty of literature. The deep and thoughtful reasons why Daisy Buchanan has a thing for noses in The Great Gatsby. But, understanding why she mentions blue noses and polish-sniffing noses is not going to change my life. Or at least, it hasn't yet. But there is a novel that has provided me with invaluable advice, and I'm the first to admit that, yes, it's a novel written by a man, just a man. Yet, I wish the words to be true so badly that I'll overlook that human element.

Fear, in my opinion, is the number one worst human emotion, followed closely by nostalgia. Fear makes us stay where we are comfortable. It tells us that change is comparable to the Big Bad Wolf--leaving something you know will only get you slaughtered. The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, and we may yearn for it, but we wouldn't dare hop it in reality.

Silly things, like going to a movie by yourself, can cause stomach cramps in the best of us. High stakes testing make elementary students across America panicked. We put so many expectations on ourselves: so much pressure. Be the best. Do the best. If you have a job that society says is good, well, by all means, keep it!

No. This is wrong. Where did this mentality come from, exactly? I mean, I could give you a not-so-brief history of the industrial revolution, cities-->industry-->capitalism-->unions-->minimum wage-->Old Money vs. New Money-->American Dream-->end of small businesses, rise of Walmarts-->strip malls and any-where-USA-->now, but in reality, we just perpetuate it. We drive it in to our kids. One track, one path: work hard and don't screw it up. College For Every Student. I could now spend an entire Ulysses-sized novel going over the perils in America's public education system, but I'll exhibit some self-control here.

But, what if we're wrong? I mean, really, really wrong? I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Call it a 30 year crisis. But, I've always had this nagging feeling that I'm doing some of life wrong. Take my ridiculous dream to move to Montana or Wyoming or Alaska. I mean, I'm a city girl. What on earth would I do without quick access to Indian food, neighbors that I can call from out my window, and concrete? Why do I seek some frontier far away from "civilization" (however you choose to define civilization)?

So, as I often have been doing lately, I've turned to reading. A whole slew of nonfiction type stuff. And most of it is actually re-reading books that have stuck out to me in the past: Dalai Lama, and the Path to Happiness, The Happiness Project, George Sheehan's Running and Being, Dean Karnazes' UltraMarathon Man, Scott Jurek's Eat and Run, John Muir's Alaska Days, etc. etc.

And I've noticed that even though they are all texts from different walks in life, they all hold one universal truth, stated most clearly in The Alchemist:

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Well then. What do I want? What is the new American dream? What is my dream?

Tomorrow I am running my second marathon: the NJ Marathon. Emil Zatopek is quoted as saying, "If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon." I do want to experience a different life. I want to look fear in the face and conquer it. What I think I really yearn for is something more simple. Life has gotten too complex. A simple job is really fifty jobs rolled into one that leave you so exhausted you don't even have time to realize how tired you actually are. How much of life you're missing out on. We're becoming television zombies, tuning in to nothingness reality television (I'm looking at you Myrtle Manor, 16 and Pregnant, Duck Dynasty (which I love, I mean, c'mon, who doesn't want Jace, Jep, Si, Willie, Phil and Mrs. K at their dinner table???), etc. etc. etc.) in order to "relax." We're too tired to exercise, too tired to make sure our kids do their homework, and too tired to watch the birds eat from the bird feeder that we set up in our backyards to keep up with the Jones'. It's time to slow down. Make friends. Smile at people. Chat without looking at your iphone. Listen. Taste. Live.

Enough! As Coelho writes: “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

No more fear. I know, we say "Make time for this, make time for that" and we are only human. We cannot make time. But we can live our dreams. Even if it's scary and we must chart unfamiliar territory. I mean, the explorers that I learned about 50 million times in my schooling did it. The documentary "Happy" states that we are happiest when we're trying something new. Being caught in a routine is what makes us sad, miserable humans. Coelho: “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.” Like a cat. Furthermore, “When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.”

And remember, “Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own” (Coelho). People are going to try to stop you. Mostly, in my humble pie opinion, because they are jealous. Because not-s-secretly, we all want to live our dream. And we are crazy-jealous of those who do. As the author of The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin notes, it is imperative to know what YOU want, vs. what others want. Maybe other people truly enjoy watching movies. Personally, I don't. But I've been taught that "going to the movies" is a fun date. But if I don't like it, it's not very fun, now is it? And on the flip side, perhaps we shouldn't push our fun onto others. Just a thought...

So some inspirational words of wisdom from The Alchemist

“Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.”

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.”

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”

“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”

“To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation.”

Stay Golden, Ponyboy.