P90Xtreme

It's been a month since I started P90X. Which means that I am 1/3 through. 33.33333 percent for all you mathophiles out there. I think it's time to explain the P90X experience.

1. You borrow this from someone who has gotten results. They laugh at you. Not with you, at you. Like the cliche mad scientist. Except, you get the strange feeling that you're the "mad" one in the situation.

Or, you're up late at night/early in the morning, and there's an infomercial by a name that reminds you of donuts (Tim Horton's anyone?) but with someone who looks like they've never experienced the joy of a warm, soft, sweet Krispy Kreme. The workout looks challenging, and you think to yourself, nah, that crap never works. Beachbody? Seriously? Muscle beach? Zubaz pants and neon tank tops.

Then, later that day, the thought creeps into your mind... 6 pack...

Then, you drink one.

In 2 weeks, you decide to go online (because they're is no way in hell or on Earth that you're calling some infomercial number) and order the DVDs. What the hay?

So, through one of those methods, you come across the DVDs. You watch the introduction. Aight, fine. I saw the informercial, this is just repetitive. You throw on your best underarmour t-shirt, your mesh shorts, and a pair of kicks. Just push play. Easy.

Then, it's pull-up, push-up, pull-up, push-up. You do 7. Total. What is going on? How is he still going? What's up with this crazy German girl rocking it harder than I can? Why is Tony telling me to do more? Doesn't he realize I just face-planted? Why do all of these work-out videos have people in them that are machines? Where are the NORMAL people? I never liked water before, and now it's my favorite thing on Earth. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Somewhere along the way he tells you NOT to go into the kitchen and get a Krispy Kreme. Cripey, he knows what they are? Is he human? No, wait, more pull-ups. Nevermind. Totally a robot.

Then, finally, it's over. The embarrassment. Did you bring it? Tony tells you to. Does a total of 23 push-ups/pull-ups even count in an hour? Is that bringing it? I don't know, but I think I won't be able to drive to work tomorrow because I don't think I'll be able to close the car door. Wait. What's this? There's MORE?

Ab Ripper X.

The only time in my entire life of exercise (Fisher basketball practices, Running up 10 flights of stairs, doing 10 push-ups, running up 9 flights, 10 push-ups, etc., marathon training (and running), swimming, dance, etc.... IN MY ENTIRE LIFE that I found myself in the fetal position, crying, screaming "NO MORE P90X!" Then I slammed my fist into the floor numerous times (and 4 weeks later it still hurts like heck). But, even though I was on the floor crying (literally), I got back up and kept ripping my ab muscles apart. Visions of 6 pack abs ran through my head. I can do this. I can do this. Screw this. No, I can do this. Tony's own words, "I hate it, but I love it."

And this is just day 1. Wait until you get to Plylo. Ha.

But, that conversation is for another day.

And the nutrition plan? I've never eaten so much in my life. I've heard you have to eat more to lose weight, but this is crazy. Cottage cheese is my new best friend. Protein-heavy, fat shredder. Hundreds of dollars at the grocery store, healthy and fresh, soup-city. Tupper-ware is my life. Thank GOD for countertop dishwashers.

So, as you can see, it's a great experience and totally worth it :-D

Just Push Play. And then BRING IT! No more round O's. Just:

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X (Kenpo style)